Do Opposites Attract and Work

My husband Derek and I could not be more different if we tried.  I am very much organized, rigid, yet very outgoing.  He is very go with the flow and shy.  In many ways, we balance each other out.  He brings me down to a normal level when I get overly excited or wound up about something and I push him to be a bit more of an over achiever.

These differences go back even to our childhood and upbringing.  He lived in what I refer to as pleasantville.  His parents were still married, he had one brother, was around extended family, never lost a loved one.  It was a very vanilla childhood and he had very little to fear in life.

My childhood on the other hand was much different.  While I won't go into all of the details, it was very much the opposite of Derek's.  My parents had never been married and there were step parents and siblings along the way. My father was murdered when I was 8. It was just a MUCH different life than what Derek experienced.

Now as we are together raising our daughters, these differences really stand out.  I have many, many more fears for them.  Derek, in the earlier days, very much felt like I was over exaggerating and always thinking the worst. It made me very angry and bitter that he could not share my worries and definitely did not understand them. We had to have a lot of deep conversations, and therapy,  on why neither one of us were necessarily wrong in our thoughts.  Your experiences in life train your brain on what to feel and how much to worry.  He didn't have to worry as a child, so why would his brain start to worry as an adult?  I on the other hand, always worry and will always worry as long as my children are out of my sight, no matter how old they become.  Does it mean that I am a paranoid person and always expecting the worst?  No.  It does mean that I am aware of what the "worst" could be and that it could happen. 

While I do think our differences are great and really balance each other out, it takes a lot of open communication to make it work.  Does he still think I worry too much sometimes and I think he should be more concerned at others?  Absolutely.  That will never change.  But our understanding of each other and what makes us tick, will only grow deeper as we continue to communicate and our daughters get the bonus of seeing both sides of the spectrum as they grow up.