Well, here we are on day 8 of social distancing. What exactly does this mean? It means you are supposed to basically stay home unless it is necessary to leave. When you do leave, you are asked to maintain a 3 foot distance between you and anybody else. School are closed for a month (depending on what part of Michigan you live in). Everything is cancelled and closed. No restaurants to eat at, no movie theaters to go relax, no gym to burn off some steam. Even retailers are closing that do not sell groceries.
Thankfully, I am able to perform my job at home so here I sit with my 6 year old, trying to find a balance of work, schooling, and basically staying alive. Derek is still working. He works in a warehouse with less than 10 people and he is washing regularly so I feel somewhat safe about it. They aren't offering them not to work and we would not survive without both incomes for very long.
Kayla will be home from school this weekend for the indefinite future. It will be nice to have an extra set of hands around but also scary. That will be 2 people in the house with compromised immune systems. I wish I could just put them in bubbles. Poor Kayla's 21st birthday is coming up. How fun will that be to spend it at home with her parents, locked in with nowhere to go? No shopping with that birthday money because nothing is open. I can only make her what we can find in the stores for a birthday meal. It's a bad time for birthdays all around.
I ran to the store yesterday and bought a deck of cards (I can't believe we didn't already have one), UNO, and some paint kits. We have lots of games and books. We have game systems and ipads. What else are you guys using to entertain your children? It's a rainy day today so I am looking for any and all ideas. Take care and be safe out there.
Friday, March 20, 2020
Friday, March 13, 2020
Pandemic of 2020
This is by far the craziest time that I can remember in all of my 38 years so far. The fear of this virus is taking over and people are starting to panic. What does this look like to your family?
Both my older daughter Kayla and my husband Derek have compromised immune systems due to the medications that they are on. This is a terrifying time for them. Kayla goes to the University of Michigan, which has went to online format only for the rest of this semester. However, she is an RA in a dorm so she is not allowed to leave or it is seen as forfeiting her job. She also works at the University of Michigan hospital in the gift shop. She is literally around thousands of people each day. Unfortunately, if she forfeits her RA position, she would lose her room and possible her housing benefits that have already been paid and we would need to cover that cost. We simply do not have that kind of money. That is why she is an RA in the first place. I advised her to try and stay isolated in her room as much as possible and wash, wash, wash those hands.
Poor Kinley is only 6 years old and is so scared and upset over this whole thing. Their little minds cannot comprehend what is going on. All she knows is that her karate tournament which she has worked so hard for is cancelled, her friends birthday party she was looking forward to is cancelled, school is cancelled for the next 3 weeks during reading month which is such a fun time. She has seen the chaos at the stores and is worried we will run out of food. She is scared she will bring home germs to her dad and he could die because "he isn't healthy already". The Easter egg hunts are already being cancelled. Literally every fun activity is being cancelled. How can we expect children to understand and just accept it? More than half of the adults I see are having a hard time accepting it and everyone seems to be in a state of shock.
Most of us have never lived through anything quite like this. Something that is just crippling not just our country, but most of the world. There are so very many moving parts to this problem. How can families that were barely making ends meet, now provide breakfast and lunch for these children that may have been getting it for free at school? How can they continue to work if their kids do not have school for at least the next 3 weeks? Who will take care of the kids? Even if they find some place, can they afford it? What about all of the folks who are out of work due to events being cancelled so they have no income coming in? What will they do? All of these unanswered questions are by far the scariest part of this whole pandemic.
The only things that we can for sure do right now is wash your hands to help stop the spread. Stay home as much as possible. Be kind to others as everyone is beyond stressed. Share items that you may have an abundance of that are in high demand. Offer to help ease the childcare burden for a friend if you are able. This is the time to show exactly what you are made of and truly make a difference. And above all, hold your loved ones a little tighter today as we do not know what tomorrow will bring.
Both my older daughter Kayla and my husband Derek have compromised immune systems due to the medications that they are on. This is a terrifying time for them. Kayla goes to the University of Michigan, which has went to online format only for the rest of this semester. However, she is an RA in a dorm so she is not allowed to leave or it is seen as forfeiting her job. She also works at the University of Michigan hospital in the gift shop. She is literally around thousands of people each day. Unfortunately, if she forfeits her RA position, she would lose her room and possible her housing benefits that have already been paid and we would need to cover that cost. We simply do not have that kind of money. That is why she is an RA in the first place. I advised her to try and stay isolated in her room as much as possible and wash, wash, wash those hands.
Poor Kinley is only 6 years old and is so scared and upset over this whole thing. Their little minds cannot comprehend what is going on. All she knows is that her karate tournament which she has worked so hard for is cancelled, her friends birthday party she was looking forward to is cancelled, school is cancelled for the next 3 weeks during reading month which is such a fun time. She has seen the chaos at the stores and is worried we will run out of food. She is scared she will bring home germs to her dad and he could die because "he isn't healthy already". The Easter egg hunts are already being cancelled. Literally every fun activity is being cancelled. How can we expect children to understand and just accept it? More than half of the adults I see are having a hard time accepting it and everyone seems to be in a state of shock.
Most of us have never lived through anything quite like this. Something that is just crippling not just our country, but most of the world. There are so very many moving parts to this problem. How can families that were barely making ends meet, now provide breakfast and lunch for these children that may have been getting it for free at school? How can they continue to work if their kids do not have school for at least the next 3 weeks? Who will take care of the kids? Even if they find some place, can they afford it? What about all of the folks who are out of work due to events being cancelled so they have no income coming in? What will they do? All of these unanswered questions are by far the scariest part of this whole pandemic.
The only things that we can for sure do right now is wash your hands to help stop the spread. Stay home as much as possible. Be kind to others as everyone is beyond stressed. Share items that you may have an abundance of that are in high demand. Offer to help ease the childcare burden for a friend if you are able. This is the time to show exactly what you are made of and truly make a difference. And above all, hold your loved ones a little tighter today as we do not know what tomorrow will bring.
Tuesday, March 10, 2020
Are Play Dates Not a Thing Anymore
Now I know that there is a great big old age gap between my children, but I swear it feels like I am raising them in an entirely different world. Do kids not have friends anymore? Do playdates and sleepovers still exist?
When Kayla was young, I swear she had friends over or was at a friends house pretty much every weekend. Kinley on the other hand has not been invited to a single sleepover or playdate. Now there have been talks of a sleepover with a friend but the official invite just never came. We did have this same friend to our house for a sleepover in September. Now before you say it, yes they are a little young and yes, trust me, I realize times have changed. However, the heartbreak I feel when Kinley looks and me and says she wishes she had friends to play with is just terrible. We have tried many, many groups and activities like swimming, pom, gymnastics, girl scouts, karate, bowling, all to just name a few from the last year and a half. None of these have resulted in friends. None of Derek or I's friends have children her age. So I ask you, is this how it is now? Is this just reality of childhood these days? She is so desperate that the other day, we heard kids playing outside, and she ran out to ask if she could join, despite her shyness and never having seen these kids before. She was so excited and has not stopped talking about the experience, which I apparently really took for granted as a child and when Kayla was a child. For those wondering, I believe these children are moving in a few houses down but cannot confirm that since this was the first and only time we have seen or heard them.
How do your kids make friends? Where did they meet them? Are they your friends children? I need more ideas on how to find her friends that are convenient enough that she can sustain. Let's be honest, friends that live too far away, may not be able to be sustained at this young age. And we don't need a ton (although we would welcome it). I would definitely take quality over quantity here. I just need to know where to start.
When Kayla was young, I swear she had friends over or was at a friends house pretty much every weekend. Kinley on the other hand has not been invited to a single sleepover or playdate. Now there have been talks of a sleepover with a friend but the official invite just never came. We did have this same friend to our house for a sleepover in September. Now before you say it, yes they are a little young and yes, trust me, I realize times have changed. However, the heartbreak I feel when Kinley looks and me and says she wishes she had friends to play with is just terrible. We have tried many, many groups and activities like swimming, pom, gymnastics, girl scouts, karate, bowling, all to just name a few from the last year and a half. None of these have resulted in friends. None of Derek or I's friends have children her age. So I ask you, is this how it is now? Is this just reality of childhood these days? She is so desperate that the other day, we heard kids playing outside, and she ran out to ask if she could join, despite her shyness and never having seen these kids before. She was so excited and has not stopped talking about the experience, which I apparently really took for granted as a child and when Kayla was a child. For those wondering, I believe these children are moving in a few houses down but cannot confirm that since this was the first and only time we have seen or heard them.
How do your kids make friends? Where did they meet them? Are they your friends children? I need more ideas on how to find her friends that are convenient enough that she can sustain. Let's be honest, friends that live too far away, may not be able to be sustained at this young age. And we don't need a ton (although we would welcome it). I would definitely take quality over quantity here. I just need to know where to start.
Monday, March 9, 2020
Working Full time
Sometimes being a full-time working mom is hard...really hard. Does anyone feel me on this?? You are being pulled in every direction by every person. There's always a deadline to meet, a project to make, an appointment to be scheduled.
We live in Michigan so the weather is very unpredictable and well, it's winter. The last 2 days have been snow days for my 6 year old. We don't have backup care (helloooooo village, where are you??). We do have a camp that we use in situations like this sometimes but even they were not open as they didn't have enough kids to operate. So what do you do?? One parent has to stay home. I mean a 6 year old can't exactly fend for themselves for 8 plus hours. I am a salaried colleague with the slight option to work from home occassionally. My husband is an hourly employee who had already put in 8 hours of overtime which he would lose if he called in. So of course, I am the option to stay home. Now mind you, I work in the accounting field (loosely) so the end of the month is one of the busiest times for me. Again though, what choice do we have?
I guess I am just frustrated that we have no other options. I want to be reliable at work, but I also HAVE (and want) to be reliable for my child. It's a very tough balance, especially when you are the breadwinner of the family. How do you keep both ends happy and satisfied? Please, let me hear how you all do it. Maybe you have a suggestion that I haven't thought of.
We live in Michigan so the weather is very unpredictable and well, it's winter. The last 2 days have been snow days for my 6 year old. We don't have backup care (helloooooo village, where are you??). We do have a camp that we use in situations like this sometimes but even they were not open as they didn't have enough kids to operate. So what do you do?? One parent has to stay home. I mean a 6 year old can't exactly fend for themselves for 8 plus hours. I am a salaried colleague with the slight option to work from home occassionally. My husband is an hourly employee who had already put in 8 hours of overtime which he would lose if he called in. So of course, I am the option to stay home. Now mind you, I work in the accounting field (loosely) so the end of the month is one of the busiest times for me. Again though, what choice do we have?
I guess I am just frustrated that we have no other options. I want to be reliable at work, but I also HAVE (and want) to be reliable for my child. It's a very tough balance, especially when you are the breadwinner of the family. How do you keep both ends happy and satisfied? Please, let me hear how you all do it. Maybe you have a suggestion that I haven't thought of.
How to fit it all in
Do you ever have those days, or even weeks, when you just have so much to do that you have no idea how it will all get done?? Today is one of those days with the potential of it being one of those weeks.
Kinley has just been obsessed with cooking lately so when the school offered a cooking concoction class, we knew we wanted to sign her up. Mind you, we signed up in December when we had no idea what our schedule would look like at this time. She also has a karate tournament this weekend which means amped up classes this weekend to prepare. She wants to compete in board breaking which she has done all of 2 times in her life. Once at her first competition and once in a class a few days before said competition. So clearly she needs all the practice she can get.
So this morning, it was Monday morning as usual, except for yesterday was daylight savings so we are all a little tired and off of our game today. Kinley will have her cooking class which is supposed to go until 5:35, and board breaking class starts at 5:30. So Derek will go to the karate school to save our seats, while I pick Kinley up from cooking class 15 minutes early, so she can change clothes in the car. Thankfully they asked them to bring a snack so we sent a lunchable to hold her over. She has board breaking class from 5:30-6:30 and then weapons class from 6:30-7. Yeah, I forgot to fill you in on how she just learned the ending to her weapons routine and has to compete with it THIS Saturday. Then it will be home for official dinner, reading, and bed by 8.
As parents, why do we do this to ourselves and to our kids?? We feel stressed. They feel stressed. But when I asked her if there was something she was willing to skip, there was not. She really wanted to participate in each thing. It's a great life lesson for her I suppose. Some days just suck and are hard, but they are all for a greater purpose.
Kinley has just been obsessed with cooking lately so when the school offered a cooking concoction class, we knew we wanted to sign her up. Mind you, we signed up in December when we had no idea what our schedule would look like at this time. She also has a karate tournament this weekend which means amped up classes this weekend to prepare. She wants to compete in board breaking which she has done all of 2 times in her life. Once at her first competition and once in a class a few days before said competition. So clearly she needs all the practice she can get.
So this morning, it was Monday morning as usual, except for yesterday was daylight savings so we are all a little tired and off of our game today. Kinley will have her cooking class which is supposed to go until 5:35, and board breaking class starts at 5:30. So Derek will go to the karate school to save our seats, while I pick Kinley up from cooking class 15 minutes early, so she can change clothes in the car. Thankfully they asked them to bring a snack so we sent a lunchable to hold her over. She has board breaking class from 5:30-6:30 and then weapons class from 6:30-7. Yeah, I forgot to fill you in on how she just learned the ending to her weapons routine and has to compete with it THIS Saturday. Then it will be home for official dinner, reading, and bed by 8.
As parents, why do we do this to ourselves and to our kids?? We feel stressed. They feel stressed. But when I asked her if there was something she was willing to skip, there was not. She really wanted to participate in each thing. It's a great life lesson for her I suppose. Some days just suck and are hard, but they are all for a greater purpose.
Do Opposites Attract and Work
My husband Derek and I could not be more different if we tried. I am very much organized, rigid, yet very outgoing. He is very go with the flow and shy. In many ways, we balance each other out. He brings me down to a normal level when I get overly excited or wound up about something and I push him to be a bit more of an over achiever.
These differences go back even to our childhood and upbringing. He lived in what I refer to as pleasantville. His parents were still married, he had one brother, was around extended family, never lost a loved one. It was a very vanilla childhood and he had very little to fear in life.
My childhood on the other hand was much different. While I won't go into all of the details, it was very much the opposite of Derek's. My parents had never been married and there were step parents and siblings along the way. My father was murdered when I was 8. It was just a MUCH different life than what Derek experienced.
Now as we are together raising our daughters, these differences really stand out. I have many, many more fears for them. Derek, in the earlier days, very much felt like I was over exaggerating and always thinking the worst. It made me very angry and bitter that he could not share my worries and definitely did not understand them. We had to have a lot of deep conversations, and therapy, on why neither one of us were necessarily wrong in our thoughts. Your experiences in life train your brain on what to feel and how much to worry. He didn't have to worry as a child, so why would his brain start to worry as an adult? I on the other hand, always worry and will always worry as long as my children are out of my sight, no matter how old they become. Does it mean that I am a paranoid person and always expecting the worst? No. It does mean that I am aware of what the "worst" could be and that it could happen.
While I do think our differences are great and really balance each other out, it takes a lot of open communication to make it work. Does he still think I worry too much sometimes and I think he should be more concerned at others? Absolutely. That will never change. But our understanding of each other and what makes us tick, will only grow deeper as we continue to communicate and our daughters get the bonus of seeing both sides of the spectrum as they grow up.
These differences go back even to our childhood and upbringing. He lived in what I refer to as pleasantville. His parents were still married, he had one brother, was around extended family, never lost a loved one. It was a very vanilla childhood and he had very little to fear in life.
My childhood on the other hand was much different. While I won't go into all of the details, it was very much the opposite of Derek's. My parents had never been married and there were step parents and siblings along the way. My father was murdered when I was 8. It was just a MUCH different life than what Derek experienced.
Now as we are together raising our daughters, these differences really stand out. I have many, many more fears for them. Derek, in the earlier days, very much felt like I was over exaggerating and always thinking the worst. It made me very angry and bitter that he could not share my worries and definitely did not understand them. We had to have a lot of deep conversations, and therapy, on why neither one of us were necessarily wrong in our thoughts. Your experiences in life train your brain on what to feel and how much to worry. He didn't have to worry as a child, so why would his brain start to worry as an adult? I on the other hand, always worry and will always worry as long as my children are out of my sight, no matter how old they become. Does it mean that I am a paranoid person and always expecting the worst? No. It does mean that I am aware of what the "worst" could be and that it could happen.
While I do think our differences are great and really balance each other out, it takes a lot of open communication to make it work. Does he still think I worry too much sometimes and I think he should be more concerned at others? Absolutely. That will never change. But our understanding of each other and what makes us tick, will only grow deeper as we continue to communicate and our daughters get the bonus of seeing both sides of the spectrum as they grow up.
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